he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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