at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
