The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize