Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
