apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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