I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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