you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
In other news, I just burned my penis
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
