I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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