If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
