I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
