So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize