I am puke
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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