His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
