12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
