I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
