there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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