At least make sure they are 18
Why
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
