I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
