you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
