omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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