I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
