Banned from zoo.
Again?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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