well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
