question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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