and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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