just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
