wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
