repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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