At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
