I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
