Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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