Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
