Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
