JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
