I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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