I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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