I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
