I'm jealous of your bromance
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
