he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
