I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
