I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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