ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just high enough for therapy.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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