I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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