This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
