if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
