Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
