im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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