Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
