OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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