I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Duck Duck Cougar?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
