remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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