I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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