I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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