I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
