3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
