have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
