You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
