Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
