i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
