ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
