you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
