I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
