i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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