You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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