And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
