I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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