Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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