There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
