I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
NoShamevember. You game?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize