Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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