it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
